When I started this blog I had full intentions to hammer it every week with several posts focusing on the things that matter to me: art, culture, fashion, education, politics, and so on. That was back in January. Meh...
Since then I've been through some serious upheavals in my personal life. The final days of a suffocating experience that imploded suddenly when 'that line' got crossed yet again. It was rough. I described it like knowing someone you cared about just had a car accident, and they're gone, that's it, not even a chance to give them the gift you bought them the day before when I was working a photoshoot in the city. Unfortunately the worst part is that there was no accident, it was no accident. But there was wreckage and part of me died overnight.
Throughout my healing, and I'm still healing to be fair to myself, I've made some major changes in my life and attitude about what I deserve from life. I simultaneously found myself alone, mostly, except for a select few individuals who buttressed me. I am indebted to you and you know exactly who you are. And like a true mobster I never forget loyalty. But this new space in my life gave me a chance to fill my life with new humans whom appeared from everywhere with that glow and caring that I value. From the most random places they showed up. I made it a priority to be selective, but also proactive in surrounding myself with people who in one way or another inspired me to be a better me.
One thing I quickly noticed, completely unintentionally, was that they all blogged. It was fascinating, the random nature of where they entered my life from, and the unique ways they inspired me. They were all underpinned by their love of sharing their varied stories through written words. All of them were empathetic towards me (I was shelled out from the 'car accident'). And they all were open and raw with their stories which pushed their empathy outwards. That means something. It meant something to me.
It was pretty obvious that part of what I admired in these people whom I was drawn to as I built a new circle of friends was that they are sharing, in feelings that got told as stories. It was like they were holding up a mirror by doing what I valued. And each of their stories has helped heal me if for nothing else than I knew that I was not alone. Other people lived, cried, inspired, felt pain, survived, succeeded, and most importantly grew.
I want to grow as well. I'm not done growing. I'll never be done growing.
So here I am, back at it. But now I know that what I was missing before was depth (in too many aspects of where I was before). What I was doing before with the blog wasn't true to me. It was merely about art, not filled with the chemicals that make me connect the way I was connecting with those other blogs. I was writing, but no one could hear my voice. Going forward it's still about everything I cover in the About section: Art, Fashion, Photography, Education, Politics, etc. But this writing is really about me. I'm not a journalist, I'm an artist, and what I write has to be pulled from inside me, to extend me. That's scary as hell to be as honest as my new friends are with what they write.
Working on myself is the most intimidating project I'll ever undertake. Stylz is my social media persona, but I'm Basem. I'm healing, I create, I love and feel and fall down and curse and pray and appreciate all those hands that are helping me up again. That's my real art project. Knowing this person and sharing what I learn about him.
I hope this blog turns out like those that inspired me, a hand that helps someone else to reach higher. A literary journal of being a raw human. Thank you universe for the people you've put in my life. Anything is possible again.